I know I haven’t been on tumblr in FOREVER so I don’t really know what I’m doing. I guess this just feels less lonely than writing it down on paper alone in my apartment.
I have things to do; Laundry, homework, put together a resume, have some breakfast, workout/shower/get dressed. Sometimes all the things I feel I need to do at once would overwhelm me but I don’t even have that. It’s just SO blahrgy blank. I’m not stressed. I’m perhaps even excited about my homework assignments and a movie I rented from my school library that has an atmosphere/environment that I want my project to have. But…I just feel like I don’t know how to start…. My laundry, getting myself ready to start a day.
I’m afraid of consuming copious amounts of food, I’m afraid of wasting my time doing stupidly unproductive shit(hmmmm, like posting on tumblr perhaps?), I’m afraid of getting nothing done and feeling like crap. And as much as I tell myself that these fears are retarded, redundant, and causing the very problems I don’t want to encounter, I’m stopped. My logic center is on a break and I can’t reason with my irrational child. God, this is so stupid. I want success, but . Wait, why is there a ‘but’ there? What the fuck is wrong with me?
Whatever this torrent is of emotions/lack there of is my main problem…It’s just a wall of nonsense that I can’t even fathom how to begin to identify it. Hello evil mind roadblock that I meet nearly every day that I don’t have a specific structure for. I hate you.
I thought writing this out would help me figure out what the heck is wrong/or where to start or what to do. It did NONE of that! I did decide a few things at least: 1. I’m nuts 2. I need to start doing SOMETHING….I thought I’d have a longer numbered list but I’m stumped again…. Oh, this is pointless! I feel less lonely now…But that’s about it.
Me: WTF, did you just like make your laugh a song?
Nina: *giggle* epona’s song!
Nina: wait no, Bolero of Fire!
Me: Oh worddd!
Having a chill day except…. I lost the freakin’ pen. Seriously, I’m going to be fined enough for it being late(Because I was a stressed out dumbass) and now… I can’t find it at all. Maybe I left it at school at some point…? But if I did I don’t know where to look. Seriously what is wrong with me? Why can’t I take care of things when I know I should? Why do I put it off till the point of doom? What a fuckhead.When did I use it last? Not yesterday, sometime on wednesday…. At night? did I have it thursday morning? No, I don’t think so. I was almost positive it was in my bag wednesday, but not thursday. I don’t remember taking it out. Ever. After class on Wed. Or did I have it at that back computer on thurs..? No I don’t think so, that would not have made sense. When did I realize it wasn’t in my bag? I looked everywhere I could think of in the apt! FUUUUUUUUCCCCCC
When girls are lesbian or bisexual, no one cares.
When guys are gay or bisexual, everyone makes a big deal about it.
When two girls hold hands as friends, no one thinks anything.
But when two guys that are friends hold hands ….
When a girl says “Suck My Dick”…
If a guy says “Eat My Pussy”…
When a girl calls her friend her “wifey” …
If a guy calls his friend “hubby” …